A case of the pre-wedding jitters is normal. It’s a big day with a whole lot of pressure, so it’s only natural to experience a healthy dose of nerves leading up. But when those jitters turn to something deeper is when leading psychotherapist, Dr. Deborah Sandella says you need to stop and reconsider.
“Many couples I counseled who ended up deciding to cooperatively divorce after many years of marriage said they knew in hearts on their wedding day that the marriage wasn’t right,” Dr. Sandella said. “But they were getting old or it seemed like the right thing to do, or they had gotten into it too deeply to change their minds amongst other feelings.”
Trust Your Feelings
If you feel like fleeing rather than a little nervous pay attention. In the end, it takes courage, to be honest about these things. If you aren’t honest with yourself and communicate your feelings to your fiancé, you will default into a life rather than choosing.
This is a Lifestyle Choice
Consider what it will be like to live together every day. Practice working out conflicts and different preferences before deciding to marry, so you either realize s/he’s not the one or he is. In the end, the happiest couples learn to compassionately work through differences into greater intimacy.
The Litmus Test
Every couple will have differences and conflicts to work through. It’s human nature. How and if you are able to do this is the litmus test. Having at least one person in the couple with high emotional intelligence significantly improves the chances of a successful marriage. You and your partner can take the Emotional Operating System (EOS) Quiz and discover your scores. If both of you score low, I suggest you do some couples workshops, classes and/or counseling before marrying.
Dr. Deborah Sandella PhD, RN is a leading psychotherapist and international best-selling author of Goodbye Hurt & Pain, 7 Simple Steps to Health, Love and Success.
Marriage Advice From Couples Who’ve Been Together Forever!
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