I’d all like to think that when the perfect man gets down on one knee and asks me to be his forever, I won’t care what the ring looks like. But, if I’m going to be wearing one ring for the rest of my life, I should love it, like really love it, right? Yes, you’re marrying the man (or woman) and not the ring, but how do you tell someone you love that you hate their taste in fine jewelry? We’ve got you covered.
Take a Deep Breath
After the proposal emotions are running high, but by all means don’t mention you’re less than thrilled with the sparkler he picked out right away! The last thing you want is to complete deflate your guy! Consider it this way, if you planned the perfect surprise, the ultimate gift, and he told you he didn’t like it right off the bat how would you feel? Broach the topic slowly and in private, explain that while you love the thought he put into it and the last thing you’d want is to hurt his feelings.
Tell the Truth , But Be Gentle
Honesty is key to any healthy relationship, and remember, you’re saying yes to the man, not the ring—it’s ok to tell your now-fiancé (!) how you feel about the rock as long as you do so carefully and gracefully. Everyone’s favorite etiquette maven Emily Post says, “You need to speak to your fiancé about your distaste for the ring style. Tactfully explaining that you can’t see yourself wearing this style of ring might eliminate his feeling bad if he chose the ring himself. Above all, be sensitive to your fiance’s feelings, as he may have chosen the ring with the utmost care and thoughtfulness, and may react to your wanting to change the ring with mixed emotions.”
Work Together to Find a Solution
Adding on and taking away details of your ring is easier than you think. Sure, you’ll pay the cost for an update, but in the long run you want to truly love a piece you’ll be wearing every day. Is your band silver and you wanted gold? Have your jeweler update the setting. Suggest that the two of you go shopping together and find something both of you love. Want something a little more wow? Consider holding off a few years until you have kids, and add stones to the side of your solitaire to represent your sweet babies.
Learn to Love It
You might not like the ring at bended knee, but who knows it might grow on you! Some stones look different on that in the ringbox. Give it a few weeks and if you’re really set on switching be sensitive to your sweetie’s reaction. Keep things in perspective and remember what the ring represents: your love and commitment to one another.
You’re Engaged—Now What?
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